Because I am married to a foreigner

Before leaving for the second time to the Philippines I remember having a conversation with a Filipina (married to a Filipino) asking me "Hindi ka ba natatakot umuwi sa Pilipinas na kasama mga anak mo ?" (Are you not afraid to go back to the Philippines with your kids?). I surprisingly answered her question with a question "Bakit naman Ate ?" (Why is that Ate?). She initially had qualms bout bringing her kids there. For the following reasons, it's too hot for them, or mosquitoes will bite them, that her children are afraid of flying cockroaches, and the worse because of the traffic and pollution. I myself was indeed flabbergasted… I must admit her reaction annoyed me a lot. First off, I didn't expect to hear from her who apparently grew up in the province (this does not imply that a person who lives in the province is less privileged). I am proud to say that I grew up in the province and participated planting rice together with the workers of my grandparents to fell how it was. I even fed all sorts of animals like carabaos, cows, chickens, dogs’ cats and pigs. I am sure she is used to mosquito bites, flying insects, traffic and everything despite of the uncertainties she has. I frostily answered her that I am not afraid if my kids will experience such. Somehow it will be a good familiarity for them. To get used of my country....in which it is part of them. To know half of their origin ! First rule I am not ashamed where I came from….I STOP PRETENDING to be someone that I am not. After all mosquitoes, traffic, pollution and everything do exist in every corner of the world. Let's just be vigilant about those.

It's funny to think how people transform in this short period of time. Are they afraid to go back to their origin because they live in a new environment in which life is more comfortable? Or earning dollars or euros made them change? Or is it something about having a new nationality that made those abrupt changes? Perplexing isn’t it? Come on I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth neither she is! It’s like she had anesthesia, a person with complete numbness not noticing that I was irritated. Now follows another question! She asked me if my husband isn’t afraid for them. I just told her that my husband is not afraid so why should I? He even wishes to live there one day when we get our retirement. Secondly, we teach our children to adapt in all sorts of situations and places. Although Philippines is a poor country and economically unstable it will always be home for me. Honestly, I am frightened....afraid but not from the insects and mosquito bites, traffic or pollution those are just minor things and that could be avoided and resolve. I am tremendously anxious on individuals' personal impressions of us.

Being married to a foreigner some people look at me differently as if I am well-off. Some would even dare to ask me money to buy a boat for fishing (she’s not even my family). Some would tell me “Hindi ka na maabot, yaman mo na” I could not reach you because you’re rich. Or “Yayaman ka lalo dahil kuripot ka”. I will become richer because I am frugal. Those blistering words I encountered when I went back to the Philippines last 2005 not from my own family but those from bystanders who does not have a tiny bit idea of who I really am. Regardless of how many intimidating questions I just cannot let go from them. Questions follow me like shadows. I thought Filipinos living abroad would be more open-minded. Sadly, some are brilliants but with narrow-opinions. I have had loads of questions from people and generally being obnoxious, I swear they are not worth my time. And as to why I am married to a foreigner people see me that I am after my husband’s money or position, or I was picked up somewhere from one of the bars in Manila, or I am simply a mail order bride. Pathetic! Filipinas who are married to foreigner are being stereo-type, what an injustice! Now that some people know me in my place, they would snoop out on me. Still interested what kind of questions I’ve encountered? Okay these are worth sharing anyway so question and answer portion is on!

1. Where did you meet? (very common)

2. Does your husband give you money? (intriguing)

3. How am I able to aid family back home since I don’t work? (as if I married honey for money. I would have married a 4 MMMM’s Matandang Mayaman Madaling Mamatay ; an old rich man dying sorry for being morbid)

4. If I shop, do I get the things that I want? (This pertains if I can buy expensive things of course)

5. Does my husband allows me to go out ? (I’m not a prisoner)

6. Who pays the ticket when you invite your family to come ? (obviously I don’t work)

7. Does hubby complains if we often go to the Philippines? (of course plane tickets are expensive but he's not )

8. Are your in-laws nice to you ? (if not where’s the problem of course they are)

9. If you want to work does your husband allows you to work as a domestic helper ? (ok will not explain why ? )

10. Do you live in a villa ? (who cares)

I still have loads of them but will stop until here. Anyway, a lot could relate some are not. Others would find this post irritating but your reaction will always be your right. I am maybe married to a foreigner but that doesn’t give them the right to judge how I live my life !